Cry Harder, Cuck

Newsom unleashed, Canada uniting, and Trump lighting matches in every direction

Good morning! Welcome to the start of a new week, where the richest man alive is borrowing against the air, Trump is setting the world on fire one pardon and tariff at a time, and California’s governor is throwing social media haymakers like it’s 2020 all over again, but this time with better lighting and receipts.

We begin in the Everglades, where Governor Ron DeSantis has apparently watched Escape from New York one too many times and decided Florida needed its own open-air internment camp. Dubbed “Alligator Alcatraz,” the pop-up detention center is everything you’d expect from the Trump-DeSantis immigration fantasy: $450 million per year, tent cages, metal beds, no due process, and a “clean, air-conditioned” tour designed to distract lawmakers from the stench of human rights violations. Democrats called it an internment camp. Republicans laid on the beds and called them “comfortable.” And when asked who’s actually in charge of this swamp dystopia, state officials shrugged and suggested members of Congress file a FOIA request.

Then came Governor Gavin Newsom, who showed up online with a flamethrower and a thesaurus full of insults, turning the MAGA outrage machine into a pile of twitching circuit boards. He called Steven Miller a fascist cuck, posted a Voldemort meme, and mocked JD Vance for vacationing in California while attacking the immigrants who make Disneyland function. “Enjoy their labor,” he wrote, like a man with zero patience left for Republican cosplay.

He dragged Lara Trump’s Fox fluff interview with Donald (“How did you pick such a great cabinet?”), and laughed out loud at Nancy Mace’s “Don’t California my South Carolina” post, responding with a surgical reminder of what California actually delivers:
Lower homicide rates, lower gun death rates, lower maternal mortality, higher wages, longer life expectancy, free Pre-K, free school meals, free community college, and the fourth largest GDP in the world.
Newsom’s message? You wish you were California. In this new era, he’s not just clapping back, he’s handing out rhetorical bodybags with delivery confirmation.

Speaking of grifts and grotesqueries, Elon Musk has returned to his favorite activity: using other people’s money to buy himself time. SpaceX is now “investing” in XAI, the barely-functioning AI firm Musk cobbled together from the bones of Twitter. The numbers don’t just smell cooked—they’re charcoal. Musk valued Twitter at $52 billion, sold it to XAI for $33 billion, and now claims XAI is worth $200 billion. That’s an $87 billion leap in four months, during which rockets have exploded, executives have fled, and Grok, the AI chatbot that calls itself Mecha and gleefully violates content policies—burns cash like a freshman at Burning Man.

This is what Wall Street politely calls a “private valuation.” And who’s footing the bill? SpaceX investors, including the U.S. government and pension funds, are watching their money vanish into a chatbot that proudly markets itself as the AI that says the quiet part loud. But wait, it gets worse.

Musk now wants Grok embedded in Teslas. Meanwhile, rockets keep failing, X bleeds credibility, and yet somehow, magically, the valuations keep climbing. It’s almost as if someone is inflating them on purpose.

The truth? Musk’s empire runs on debt backed by stock valuations, what one analyst called bubble-wrapped IOUs. The moment confidence slips, the whole thing risks popping like a biotech balloon at Burning Man.

And still, Musk’s most loyal fans chant, “Exploding rockets are good!” while ignoring the real bottom line: It’s not his money. It’s government money. Investor money. Pension fund money. And at this point, possibly laundered money.

What’s the product? Nothing functional. Just vibes, bots, and Grok’s mustache.

Musk isn’t the only one torching institutions.

Donald Trump officially pardoned every January 6 participant, calling it a step toward “national reconciliation.” Among those who walked free: Edward Kelly, who had been convicted of storming the Capitol and was awaiting sentencing. What wasn’t included in the clemency press release? That Kelly also plotted to assassinate FBI agents while awaiting trial, built a kill list, and conducted militia drills in preparation for a terror attack on a federal building. His lawyers tried to argue that Trump’s blanket pardon also covered the murder plot, since it involved the same FBI agent. The court laughed, and Kelly is now serving life in prison, a footnote in the ever-growing ledger of how Trump endangers American lives in the name of loyalty.

And finally, we circle back to Trump’s Tariff Tantrum, now targeting the European Union. After imposing a 30% tariff on EU goods this week, Trump warned leaders that any retaliation would result in even more tariffs, promising to “add whatever number you raise to the 30% we charge.” France’s Emmanuel Macron is preparing countermeasures. Italy’s Giorgia Meloni is begging both sides to avoid a trade war. And Ursula von der Leyen has drawn a hard August 1 deadline. Trump’s response? A handwritten threat, sent to two dozen leaders, reading more like a ransom note than foreign policy. Because of course it does. He’s not a negotiator. He’s a blackjack player with a fake Rolex and a gun under the table.

And then, looming behind it all: the Epstein Files Fallout. This week, Trump’s own base began to crack under the pressure after he declared the Epstein client list “fake news created by Obama and Hillary.” The very thing MAGA had been demanding the release of the list was suddenly branded a hoax by the man who promised to reveal it. The backlash was swift and confused. After all, if Epstein was fake, then what were they fighting for? One commenter put it plainly: “Mark the day. Mark the moment Trump cracked under the weight of his own lies.”

And speaking of men who can’t handle rejection, Donald Trump threatened to strip Rosie O’Donnell of her U.S. citizenship this week, declaring her a “threat to humanity” because… she’s Rosie O’Donnell. Trump, once again confusing the presidency with an HOA board, floated this unconstitutional fantasy on Truth Social, apparently unaware that you can’t revoke citizenship from natural-born Americans, even if they’ve fled to Ireland to raise their autistic child in peace.

Rosie, never one to pull punches, responded with a verbal flaying for the ages:

“You want to revoke my citizenship? Go ahead and try. King Joffrey with a tangerine spray tan. I’m not yours to silence. I never was.”
She reminded him that while he builds walls and lies for applause, she builds a life, raises children, and makes art about surviving trauma. “You are everything that is wrong with America,” she wrote, “and I’m everything you hate about what’s still right with it.”

In short: Rosie lives rent-free in Trump’s crumbling skull, and she just redecorated.

Just as I was wrapping up, the Trump regime managed to ignite a new diplomatic crisis, this time with our closest ally and literal next-door neighbor: Canada.

On July 10, Trump sent what can only be described as a fifth-grade ransom note to Canadian leadership, announcing a 35% tariff on Canadian goods, and threatening to increase it further if Canada dared to retaliate. This after Canada, in good faith, agreed to drop its digital sales tax at Trump’s request. And this is how he repaid them: with economic blackmail and another round of MAGA disinformation accusing Canada of flooding the U.S. with fentanyl. (They aren’t. They’ve said so. Repeatedly.)

Now the entire Canadian political spectrum is uniting in fury. British Columbia’s NDP Premier David Eby called Trump’s letter “factually incorrect” and hinted at stronger language, saying “Other F-words come to mind.” Ontario’s conservative Premier Doug Ford demanded a national emergency meeting, which Prime Minister Mark Carney has scheduled for July 22 in Huntsville.

Former MP Charlie Angus put it plainly:

“You don’t sit down and negotiate with a gangster regime in good faith… Trump isn’t trying to help American workers, he’s trying to humiliate allies.”

Canada is drawing a line in the snow, and this time they’re not backing down. Angus invoked the country’s rising economic boycott of U.S. goods, saying the expected 8–10% hit to U.S. exports has turned into something closer to 40%, with Canadian investment dollars drying up fast.

The message to Americans?

“We’re still your friends. But we won’t cross that border again while the rule of law disintegrates. You’re always welcome in Canada, just leave the guns and the MAGA hats behind.”

And the message to Trump?

“We will never kiss the gangster’s ring. And if we have to go dollar for dollar, pound for pound, while you tank your own economy, so be it.”

In short: Canada isn’t buying what Trump is selling, and they’ve stopped playing nice. He wanted to pick a fight with a peaceful, democratic neighbor. And now that neighbor is suiting up.

In today’s America, the richest man is backed by vapor, the president is freeing terrorists and threatening allies, and the only adult in the room is a California governor calling Steven Miller Voldemort with WiFi. If this is the end stage of empire, at least we can count on Canada to hold the line while we meme our way through the wreckage.