Trump’s Global Tantrum Tour

From satellite diplomacy to climate labels and Harvard lawsuits, the world moves forward while America's toddler-in-chief screams into the void

Good Morning! Let’s begin where America’s credibility used to live: abroad.

While Donald Trump is busy air-dropping Kristi Noem’s sweaty audition tapes into Mexico, the rest of the world is quietly sidestepping his delusions and making moves that matter. Japan, remember them? Allies, adults, actual planners, has agreed to provide satellite imagery directly to Ukrainian intelligence. No grandstanding. No leaked Signal chats. Just international cooperation from a country that still knows how to read a treaty. Meanwhile, the U.S. fumbles toward autarky with an unhinged trade policy and a diplomacy strategy best described as “have you tried threatening them?”

Over in Mexico, President Claudia Sheinbaum is done playing polite. After discovering that Kristi Noem’s snarling anti-immigrant ads, complete with dystopian voiceover and MAGA cosplay, were being broadcast in English across Mexican airwaves (paid for with U.S. taxpayer funds, naturally), Sheinbaum invoked Article 1 of Mexico’s constitution and called it what it is: a human rights violation. She accused Trump’s administration of illegal propaganda, state-sponsored discrimination, and even election interference, not just in Mexico, but in Ecuador, where she says Trump-backed strongman Daniel Noboa staged a fraud-riddled election after a cozy trip to Mar-a-Lago.

Relations between Mexico and Ecuador? Fully severed. And if you're wondering how Ecuador got dragged into the MAGA orbit, just follow the prison pipeline. Noboa reportedly told voters that unless they backed him, Trump would deport Ecuadorians in the U.S. to El Salvador’s mega-prison, run by fellow Trump bromance partner Nayib Bukele. Nothing says "family values" like using incarceration as foreign policy.

Then there's Ukraine, which Trump insists can reach peace with Russia this week, you know, just pencil it in between the next court date and a Truth Social tantrum. The so-called “peace plan” floating around behind closed doors proposes that Ukraine give up Crimea, abandon NATO dreams, and let the U.S. supervise a demilitarized zone around the Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant. What does Ukraine get? A pat on the head and more Russian glide bombs. Even Putin had to step in and tell Trump to pump the brakes. When the Kremlin is the voice of reason, you know you're off the rails.

Back home, Elon Musk is in full-blown judicial jihad mode. After Trump posted a screed about being prosecuted while “millions of criminals roam free,” Musk chimed in with: “The judiciary is the greatest long con of the left.” Translation: if the courts won’t help billionaires and strongmen stay above the law, then clearly the courts are broken. This is the man still whispering in the ears of defense officials while his company bleeds market share and drowns in recalls. Speaking of which...

Colorado, unfazed by the circus, is quietly pushing a first-in-the-nation bill requiring climate warning labels on gas pumps. The stickers would tell drivers, right there while fueling up, that burning gas causes real-time damage to their lungs and the planet. Industry flacks, of course, call it “shaming.” But doctors, behavioral scientists, and people who breathe call it necessary. The oil lobby is furious. The Sierra Club is thrilled. And Governor Polis is... lukewarm. Still, for a country drowning in smog and denial, it’s a rare case of public policy saying the quiet part out loud.

Meanwhile, Marjorie Taylor Greene has entered her Satanic Panic phase, declaring that Catholics who help migrants are under demonic control. Then, on Easter Monday, the day Pope Francis died, she posted cryptic praise for “evil being defeated by the hand of God.” Even the Catholic League wants her to apologize. Instead, she’s doubling down with the kind of smug righteousness that usually precedes a cult.

Vivek Ramaswamy, meanwhile, is running for governor of Ohio by declaring war on his own state’s civil infrastructure. His plan? Strip power from local boards and agencies, under the banner of “restoring federalism”, by which he means total compliance with Trump’s vision of executive omnipotence. Elon Musk reposted it, naturally. Because if it doesn’t involve surveillance, suppression, or synthetic libertarianism, is it even worth doing?

The Pentagon, meanwhile, is crumbling under the weight of Trump’s most embarrassing appointment to date. Pete Hegseth, whose main qualifications are Fox News and frat energy, is now accused of leaking military plans via Signal to his wife, brother, and lawyer. Three top officials have already been fired. His chief of staff is next. But Trump, true to form, says Pete’s “doing a great job”, which in this regime translates roughly to “he hasn’t flipped yet.”

And if you thought the Ivy League was going to sit this one out, think again. Harvard just sued the Trump administration over its $2.3 billion research funding freeze. Even better? The university hired two Trump-affiliated lawyers to do it: Robert Hur (yes, the one who called Biden “a well-meaning elderly man”) and William Burck, ethics counsel for the Trump Organization. The legal irony is so thick it could get tenure. When even Trump’s own lawyers are turning against him in court, you know something’s shifted.

And Harvard isn’t alone. This week, over 150 university presidents, from public colleges to Ivy League heavyweights, signed a joint statement denouncing the Trump administration’s “unprecedented government overreach and political interference” in higher education. It’s the first unified front from academia after months of escalating threats, frozen funds, and ideological purges disguised as anti-antisemitism enforcement. Trump has weaponized the Department of Education like a political battering ram, demanding universities hand over control of academic departments, monitor student viewpoints, and aid in targeting international students for deportation. The statement is more than symbolic. It’s a warning flare: the country’s intellectual backbone is under siege. And for once, it’s fighting back with court filings, mutual defense pacts, and the faint but growing sound of boots hitting the pavement instead of just shuffling papers in retreat.

One final note: Tesla stock is flailing ahead of earnings. Down 44% on the year. Musk’s political stunts are finally colliding with market reality. The man who promised self-driving, Mars colonization, and free speech for all might finally be discovering that you can’t tweet your way out of bad fundamentals forever.