The Dictatorship Fan Club: Trump’s Marcos Lovefest and Epstein Evasion Circus

Trump praises kleptocrats, rants about imaginary coups, and dodges Epstein accountability, all while auditioning to be America’s next authoritarian-in-chief.

Donald Trump’s latest performance, masquerading as a presidential press conference but more accurately described as a full-scale senior moment meltdown, offered the world a grotesque display of ignorance, delusion, and unhinged authoritarianism. Standing beside President of the Republic of the Philippines Ferdinand Marcos Jr., heir to one of the most corrupt and blood-soaked dynasties in modern history, Trump wasted no time in lavishing praise on what he called a “great family legacy.” For those unfamiliar, that “legacy” involves the plundering of billions from the Philippine treasury, thousands of forced disappearances, torture chambers filled with political opponents, and a First Lady whose shoe collection was large enough to shame entire European royalty. It takes a special kind of moral rot to look at the Marcos crime family and beam with admiration, but Trump managed it effortlessly.

Not content with whitewashing a brutal dictatorship, Trump immediately launched into a trademark word salad, somehow making “trade deal” talks with the Philippines an excuse to hurl deranged insults at the Federal Reserve Chair, recite imaginary numbers about interest rate savings, and hallucinate about a non-existent $50 billion investment from “Astroenica”, a pharmaceutical company that, just to be clear, exists solely in the cluttered recesses of Trump’s decaying imagination. Somewhere in a corporate office, AstraZeneca executives are probably wondering if they should sue for defamation by association.

The real meat of this rant, however, wasn’t trade or foreign policy, it was Trump’s frantic, sweaty attempt to drown out the deafening Epstein scandal. With MAGA media openly rebelling over Trump’s broken promise to release the Epstein client list, the ex-president is flailing like a cornered rat, doing what he always does: blame Barack Obama, invent treason plots, and rant about coups that exist only in his fever dreams. He spewed a greatest-hits remix of “Obamagate,” screeching that Obama “signed the papers” on some undefined treasonous operation. Without blinking, Trump demanded the Department of Justice prosecute Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and basically everyone who has ever looked at him sideways. Why? Because the truth is closing in on him over Epstein, and nothing gets the red hats frothing at the mouth like conspiracy porn involving their favorite boogeymen.

In between the hysterical scapegoating, Trump’s fabrications soared to majestic new heights. He claimed credit for wiping out terrorism in the Philippines (spoiler: he did not), solving inflation (ask your grocery bill how that’s going), and creating “the strongest border in history” (tell that to the fantasy 21 million undocumented migrants he claimed are overrunning the country). With a straight face, he claimed zero illegal crossings last month, presumably because his handlers have stopped showing him actual border statistics in favor of finger paintings and Fox News reruns.

And it wouldn’t be a Trump speech without a lengthy detour into rambling nonsense about secret FBI buildings, mysterious rate hikes, rigged elections (he’s apparently now won three of them “by a landslide”), and the audacity of universities like Harvard daring to exist while liberal. This, from the man who was impeached twice, lost the popular vote twice, tried to overthrow the U.S. government once, is now a convicted felon on 37 counts, and an adjudicated rapist. Yet somehow, he believes he is owed universal obedience because… the New York Times once didn’t publish the Steele dossier? That’s the hill? That’s the moral crusade? The reality is, Trump’s only consistent principle is that any scrutiny of his crimes is a conspiracy, and any moment he’s not being worshipped is an attack on the republic. His grip on reality is loosening, but his grip on the microphone, unfortunately, is not.

Let’s be clear about what this was: not a flailing old man spinning conspiracy theories while fawning over a dictator’s son. It was Trump attempting to pivot from mounting pressure over Epstein, the same Epstein whose records he promised to release, whose victims he pretended to care about, and whose files he’s now blocking at every turn. The questions are piling up: Why did Trump’s Justice Department order the FBI to flag and conceal his name in Epstein records? Why is Ghislaine Maxwell suddenly back in negotiation for new interviews? Why does Trump squirm like a slug on hot pavement every time Epstein comes up? Rather than answer, Trump feeds his cult wild-eyed fantasies about treasonous deep states, autopen conspiracies, and Barack Obama masterminding global villainy.

It’s all part of the Trump playbook: when cornered by facts, set fire to reality. Praise dictators, lie about numbers, accuse your enemies of crimes you’re likely guilty of, and babble incoherently until your loyalists forget what the original question was. Trump isn’t just a buffoon; he’s a dangerous authoritarian who admires kleptocrats because he is one, who smears the press because it tells the truth, and who exploits every platform he can to poison public discourse.

This latest spectacle, an embarrassment to the office of the presidency, an insult to international diplomacy, and a mockery of justice, should be a warning. Trump is broadcasting his intentions in full, rambling color: authoritarian rule, lies as policy, and a blank check for the corrupt and the powerful, starting with himself.