The Crown, the Conman, and the Court Orders Trump Ignores

While King Charles defends Canadian sovereignty, Trump shreds U.S. norms—from Arlington to the Pentagon to El Salvador. And Elon Musk? Evicted.

Good morning! We begin this fine, flaming Tuesday not in Washington, but in Ottawa, where King Charles, yes, the one with the crown, delivered a rare “Speech from the Throne” to Canada’s Parliament. It was equal parts ceremony and subtext, a maple-syrup-drenched middle finger to Trump’s annexation fantasies. The monarch, normally content to let governors-general do the reading, took the mic, a symbolic reminder that Canada is a sovereign nation, not a starter home for Trump’s imperial ambitions. Prime Minister Mark Carney, who invited Charles, didn’t mention Trump by name, but with phrases like “distinct identity” and “crises only fortify,” he might as well have carved “Back off, Don” into a hockey puck and mailed it to Mar-a-Lago.

Back in the U.S., Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is still auditioning for the role of “Most Paranoid Boss of the Year.” After firing three senior aides last month for allegedly leaking Pentagon plans to retake the Panama Canal (because why not), it turns out the investigation may have been based on a completely fabricated claim of an NSA wiretap. Yes, Hegseth’s personal lawyer reportedly told White House officials that one of the aides was outed by a warrantless, and wildly illegal, wiretap, before backpedaling faster than a rental scooter in D.C. traffic. The Pentagon leak probe is now in shambles, no one trusts anyone, and Hegseth doesn’t even have a chief of staff anymore. But hey, at least we’ve got a plan for Panama.

Meanwhile, Vladimir Putin is back on his gaslight tour, telling Russian business elites that his war in Ukraine was totally justified. “They forced us into it,” he said, as if Russia were a teenage boy reluctantly pulling a fire alarm because someone dared him to. Fortunately, the Kyiv Post wasn’t having it. They dismantled his revisionist fiction piece by piece, reminding the world that the 2014 Revolution of Dignity was a pro-democracy uprising, not a NATO-backed coup, and that claims of genocide in Donbas have been repeatedly debunked by, you know, reality.

Speaking of blurred lines between propaganda and policy, Germany is now doing its best impression of a diplomatic comedy sketch. Chancellor Friedrich Merz proudly declared that Ukraine was free to use German weapons to strike targets inside Russia, only for his vice chancellor to rush to the mic the next day and say, “Just kidding, no change in policy.” The mixed signals might be awkward, but they pale compared to the U.S., where Kyiv Post reports that Trump is now seriously considering scrapping all Biden-era restrictions on Ukraine’s strike capabilities. Because if there’s one thing this man understands, it’s how to light a match near a powder keg.

Not to be outdone, China has responded to Ukraine’s accusation that it's supplying Russia with drone components, chemical products, and gunpowder by clutching its diplomatic pearls and calling the claims “political manipulation.” Never mind that Ukrainian intelligence traced 80% of Russian drone electronics back to Chinese origins, or that NATO has labeled China a “decisive enabler” of Putin’s war. Beijing is still playing peacekeeper in public and quartermaster in private.

Over on Capitol Hill, something unusual happened: The Wall Street Journal actually made sense. In a rare display of editorial backbone, the Journal called for Senate Republicans to revolt, yes, revolt, against Trump’s Russia policy. The paper urged passage of a bipartisan bill slapping 500% tariffs on any country buying Russian oil, a direct challenge to Trump’s “peace through wishful thinking” approach. They summed up the problem bluntly: Trump and his advisers “mouth ‘peace’ as if they can make it happen by wishing it were so.” The grown-ups in the room are tired of playing along.

And speaking of grown-ups, Maryland Rep. Glenn Ivey tried to visit his wrongfully deported constituent Kilmar Abrego Garcia in El Salvador, only to be turned away at the door. Despite a Supreme Court ruling ordering Trump to facilitate the man’s return, the administration continues to pretend the judiciary is just a suggestion box. El Salvador’s president, Nayib Bukele, refuses to release Abrego Garcia, who was initially dumped in one of the country’s most notorious prisons before being transferred elsewhere. The Trump-Bukele axis of judicial defiance is alive, well, and flipping the bird at due process.

Meanwhile, Tesla’s much-hyped robotaxi service is barreling toward a June launch, and it turns out the “autonomous” vehicles may be driven by humans, remotely. Because nothing says cutting-edge tech like a Wizard of Oz-style human behind the curtain pretending your car is self-aware. This comes on the heels of a Wall Street Journal exposé showing that Tesla’s camera-based Autopilot system has repeatedly failed to detect basic road hazards like overturned trucks, leading to hundreds of crashes and multiple deaths. But sure, let’s trust it to pick up your kids.

Finally, some poetic justice to end on: A Colorado judge ruled that Musk’s X (formerly Twitter) was properly evicted from its $40 million custom headquarters in Boulder after stiffing the landlord on rent. The court awarded $8.2 million in damages and shut down Musk’s countersuit with all the force of a server crash. The building, complete with gourmet kitchens and bike-commuter showers, now sits largely empty, yet another monument to ego, poor planning, and unpaid bills.

So if you’re feeling like the world’s on fire, take heart: sometimes landlords win, real crowns speak louder than tyrants, and the truth still finds its way into courtrooms and newsrooms alike.