Sovereign Grift, Gold Jets, and Fecal Dives: A Day in Trump’s America

While Musk shakes down Africa and RFK Jr. swims in sewage, Trump rebrands autocracy as leadership, with Fox News and a trillion-dollar lie to match.

Good morning! It’s not every day you get to watch a billionaire throw a tantrum over a failed business deal. At the same time, the Secretary of Defense declares allegiance to the president like a Game of Thrones bannerman. But then again, this isn’t every day, it’s Trump’s America, Second Term Edition, and things are humming right along.

Let’s start with the health secretary currently overseeing a deadly measles outbreak: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is testifying before Congress today in what’s shaping up to be a real-time case study in institutional collapse. Kennedy, the anti-vaccine crusader turned federal health czar, is expected to defend $21 billion in public health cuts, 10,000 job eliminations, and a measles response so sluggish it could be mistaken for strategic negligence. He’ll be grilled by lawmakers from both parties, especially Senator Bill Cassidy, who helped confirm him and is now doing his best “I have some concerns” routine after realizing he greenlit a walking liability. Kennedy has yet to offer a strong endorsement of MMR vaccines even as the death toll rises. And yesterday, in what might be the most honest thing he’s ever said, he warned the public: “Don’t take medical advice from me.” Noted. This from a man who, just last week, posted photos of himself diving into fecal-contaminated Rock Creek with his grandchildren, as if typhoid tourism were part of the HHS wellness plan. He remains focused on “chronic disease,” “environmental factors,” and whatever wellness influencer rabbit hole he’s currently spelunking. Nature, it turns out, is less forgiving than QAnon.

In Riyadh, Trump is having what appears to be a one-man victory parade. He announced the lifting of U.S. sanctions on Syria after a brief handshake with the new regime’s leader, Ahmed al-Sharaa (not Bashar al-Assad, as I mistakenly reported yesterday). Mea culpa. Assad was ousted in December, a detail Trump himself barely acknowledged as he embraced Sharaa and described him as “very attractive” with a “strong past.” (This is not satire. He said this out loud.) The whole thing had the vibe of an arranged marriage between a sultan and a reality show contestant. Trump gushed about Sharaa, called for normalizing ties with Israel, and then, just to complete the fever dream, claimed that Qatar, whose entire GDP is around $200 billion, had committed $1.2 trillion in investments to the U.S. Trillion. With a “T.” Math is fake when you’re selling patriotism at a markup.

Back home, Secretary Kristi Noem is still sweating from her congressional testimony, where she finally admitted the MS-13 photo used to justify the deportation of Kilmar Abrego Garcia was doctored. Reps. Eric Swalwell and Benny Thompson led the charge, with Thompson summing up the charade nicely: “Glad you found time among your many photo ops and costume changes to explain why Trump wants more taxpayer money.” The administration’s “Catch-and-Revoke” policy now faces serious constitutional challenges, but Noem’s loyal photo team is presumably still hard at work.

As for the Department of Government Efficiency, DOGE is living up to its name, if you define “efficiency” as gutting the National Park Service, firing the rescue staff, and watching Yosemite turn into a Mad Max set. Advocacy billboards have popped up nationwide, with messages akin to “Welcome to your national park, now with more garbage, courtesy of DOGE” and “Enter at your own risk. No rangers. No rescue. Just vibes.” Musk may have taken the funding, but at least the memes are good.

Speaking of Musk, he's having a morning. First, ProPublica revealed that Trump’s State Department has gone full corporate strongman, pressuring African democracies to grant business licenses to Starlink, Musk’s satellite internet company. In Gambia, where a modest $25 million USAID electrification project was under review, the U.S. ambassador reportedly delivered a veiled threat: approve Starlink, or your funding might vanish. In one cable, a Starlink exec was quoted as saying: “We’re pushing from the top and the bottom to ram this through.”

This U.S. foreign service is being retooled as Elon Musk’s private lobbying firm. And it’s working. Since Trump returned to power, Starlink has inked fast-tracked deals in Cameroon, Somalia, Lesotho, and Guinea-Bissau, all with the help of U.S. diplomatic muscle, even as Musk remains deeply embedded in the White House. He’s both player and referee, and no one seems inclined to enforce the rules.

But Elon wasn't done. This morning, he got on X and accused the South African government of denying Starlink a license because he's “not black.” According to Musk, 142 laws have been passed in South Africa explicitly to discriminate against him. He framed it as a betrayal of Nelson Mandela’s legacy while reposting content from right-wing race-baiters praising Trump’s views on South Africa. It was peak Musk: paranoid, incendiary, and completely unhinged from facts or regulatory reality. The truth is, Starlink has repeatedly refused to follow licensing rules, and now he’s crying apartheid in reverse to avoid compliance.

Meanwhile, back in Qatar, Trump stood at a podium before U.S. troops and praised Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth as a “true warrior.” Hegseth responded, “Mr. President, it is an honor to fight with you,” which is only slightly more subtle than “Long live the king.” The whole thing aired on Fox News as BREAKING NEWS, which is what happens when democracy becomes theater and the Pentagon turns into a fan club.

And in Turkey? Zelensky has arrived, Putin has not, and Trump says he might show up to the peace talks “if it feels appropriate.” Because nothing says statesmanship like treating a ceasefire negotiation like a maybe-yes-maybe-no RSVP to a country club mixer. Zelensky, to his credit, said he won’t meet with underlings. “We all know who makes decisions in Russia,” he said. But so far, all Russia has sent is the same diplomatic wax figure who tanked the 2022 talks. The Ukrainian president is meeting with Erdoğan to decide whether these talks are anything more than a charade.

In short: the empire is loud, it’s unhinged, and it’s covered in gold spray paint. But it’s also showing cracks. From courts to congress, from Gambia to Gaza, the machinery is grinding, slowly, sometimes painfully, but still grinding.