Smoke Signals and Solar Flares

Trump melts down over China, Musk over reality, and half of North America over wildfire fallout

Good morning! If you stepped outside this morning and the sky looked like a sepia-toned disaster filter, you’re not imagining things. Over 1.5 million acres are burning in Saskatchewan and Manitoba, forcing 17,000 Canadians to evacuate in what authorities describe as the largest evacuation in living memory. The fires have officially entered their “cross-border PR tour” phase, with smoke wafting into Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, and by the weekend, the Carolinas. Your lungs are now a shared asset in North American climate dysfunction.

Meanwhile, a brutal solar storm slammed the planet earlier this week, disrupting some GPS and communications systems. Scientists warn that another major blast is due in late June, but rest assured, the government that dismantled NOAA and NIOSH is absolutely not ready. Stay tuned for FEMA’s new preparedness guide: Duck and Cover, But Digitally.

Trade talks with China are once again on life support after Trump took to Truth Social to accuse Beijing of “totally violating” their freshly minted tariff truce. The deal struck just weeks ago lowered tariffs on both sides, with the U.S. dropping rates from 145% to 30% and China reciprocating by cutting its own from 125% to 10%. But Trump now claims China has reneged, pointing to continued restrictions on critical mineral exports. His trade rep, Jamieson Greer, backed him up, calling China’s compliance "slow-rolled and unacceptable." Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent, still reeling from being left at the Geneva negotiating table like a bad Tinder date, admitted talks have “lost momentum.” Investors, sensing another round of economic whiplash, sent markets dipping. Meanwhile, critics have dubbed the Trump approach “TACO”, Trump Always Chickens Out, a nod to his pattern of lobbing grenades and then quietly crawling back under the table.

The stock market responded accordingly—by curling into the fetal position. The Dow dipped 0.12%, the S&P slid 0.46%, and the NASDAQ took the brunt with a 0.81% drop, as investors braced for yet another round of economic turbulence driven by presidential tantrums. Wall Street has seen this movie before: tough talk, broken deals, a market stumble, and eventually a hasty walk-back. But with Trump’s tariff diplomacy now resembling a game of whack-a-mole, with global supply chains as the moles, the financial sector is growing weary of the sequel.

The Supreme Court handed Donald Trump yet another green light in his demolition derby of human rights. In an unsigned opinion, because courage is dead, the Court allowed his administration to revoke Temporary Protected Status for over 532,000 Cubans, Haitians, Nicaraguans, and Venezuelans. Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson dissented, warning that the abrupt decision will bring “social and economic chaos.” But chaos is the point, isn’t it?

If that weren't enough, Trump is back in court, but not for the usual felonies. No, this time he’s suing CBS and 60 Minutes for causing him “mental anguish and confusion” after a Kamala Harris interview. Yes, the same man who bragged about “acing” a cognitive test is now asking for $20 billion because a promo clip hurt his feelings. The filing reads like the diary of a crumbling ego: confused, fragile, and apparently unaware that he voluntarily watched the segment. Imagine claiming you’re too emotionally delicate for Face the Nation, then demanding to be Commander-in-Chief.

Meanwhile, his spiritual soulmate Elon Musk has exited the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), but not without leaving a legacy of cratered credibility. According to the New York Times, Musk spent his campaign months boasting about ketamine use, psychedelic mushrooms, ecstasy, and a 20-pill-a-day habit that included Adderall. Friends say his behavior pushed even loyalists to walk away. And while SpaceX is a major federal contractor with supposed drug-free workplace requirements, Musk allegedly received advance warnings before drug tests, because nothing says “meritocracy” like rigging the pee cup.

Adding a literal exclamation point to his recent spiral, Musk’s much-hyped Starship Test Flight 9 turned into an impromptu fireworks show. The rocket failed again, details classified, but social media footage suggests it achieved escape velocity from both success and self-awareness.

On the legislative side of the circus, Senate Republicans are gearing up for a "Byrd bath," preparing to scrub dozens of MAGA fantasy items from Trump’s megabill. Among the likely casualties: Planned Parenthood defunding, deregulation of gun silencers, fossil fuel fast-tracking, and a ten-year ban on state-level AI rules. Apparently, the Senate Parliamentarian still believes in reality-based budgeting, which could spell trouble for those trying to pass ideology off as fiscal policy.

And just when you thought it was safe to scroll past immigration news, two high-profile deportation cases, one involving a gay asylum seeker wrongfully deported to Mexico, the other Columbia student Mahmoud Khalil, are putting the Trump administration’s flair for unconstitutional improvisation squarely in the spotlight.

In the first case, the unnamed asylum seeker was deported to Mexico despite credible testimony that he’d been raped, tortured, and extorted there during a previous journey. The administration justified this by claiming he didn’t object to returning, a bold assertion made with zero witnesses and no documentation to back it up. Judge Brian Murphy, clearly unimpressed, issued a sharply worded ruling demanding the man’s return and warning that the administration may be in contempt for misleading the court. The asylum seeker is now reportedly on a deportation flight’s return leg, an involuntary boomerang trip courtesy of DHS, which will allow him, at last, a due process hearing.

Then there’s Columbia’s Mahmoud Khalil, whose organizing during Gaza protests landed him on Marco Rubio’s naughty list. Citing vague “national security” concerns, Rubio invoked a rarely used authority to boot Khalil from the country, a move that triggered student outrage and what must surely be the most intellectually coherent protest signs since 1968. Judge Michael Farbar issued a 106-page ruling finding Khalil likely to win on the merits, slamming the administration’s logic as vague and possibly retaliatory. But rather than face a constitutional showdown, the administration is now pivoting to claim visa misrepresentation, because when you’re losing in federal court, the obvious solution is to try a different excuse altogether.

Both cases show the same Trump-era pattern: if the law gets in the way, rewrite it, or better yet, just ignore it. Luckily, some judges still remember what a Constitution looks like, even if the executive branch increasingly treats it like optional reading.

That’s your Friday in America: sky on fire, rule of law on hold, billionaires hallucinating their way through government, and a president who thinks televised interviews are psychic attacks.

Drink water. Breathe if you can.