Proof of Life, Absence of Law
From crosswalk confessions to Ukrainian surrender terms, Trump’s America is running on snark, spite, and selective enforcement.
Good morning! Let’s begin with the so-called good news: Kilmar Abrego García is alive. After being illegally deported to El Salvador in defiance of multiple court orders, including one from the Supreme Court, he was finally seen sipping something that definitely wasn’t a margarita in a hotel café with Senator Chris Van Hollen. Proof of life? Yes. Proof of freedom? Not remotely. El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele, sporting his usual smugness and adult braces, responded with a tweet so snide it triggered a brief AI panic: “miraculously risen from the death camps and torture, now sipping margaritas.” Not only is this deeply offensive because he is still in custody, but it lays bare the authoritarian glee with which Bukele plays games with human lives.
Meanwhile, Van Hollen reminded the world that denying García access to legal counsel violates El Salvador’s commitments under international law. And back in the U.S., we have the Trump administration firing DOJ attorney Erez Reuveni, whose only crime was telling a federal judge the truth: “He should not have been sent to El Salvador.” A 15-year veteran of the Justice Department, fired for honesty. Truth in the Trump administration just will not stand.
But Trumpworld has always had room for one “truth-teller”, Elon Musk, provided he’s lying in the right direction. Let’s talk DOGE. Remember when Musk promised to slash $2 trillion in government spending? Then $1 trillion? Now it’s down to $150 billion… and according to The New York Times, more than half of that was already accomplished under Biden. Meanwhile, federal spending is actually up in 2025. So what’s the excuse? Musk claims DOGE is “the most transparent agency in government.” Sure. So transparent you can see right through the savings… because they don’t exist.
And if you’re wondering why Musk still refuses to testify before Congress about these magical budget cuts, well, imagine trying to explain to lawmakers that your biggest efficiency breakthrough was canceling contracts someone else had already ended. That’s not savings, it’s fraud in a cape. Meanwhile, in Silicon Valley, someone hacked pedestrian crosswalks to play AI-generated Musk voiceovers. Now, instead of “Walk,” people might hear: “Hi, I’m Elon Musk. Press the button to receive a federal contract... or a baby.”
Back in Europe, Trump’s foreign policy has taken an even darker turn. Secretary of State Marco Rubio declared that unless peace talks show “progress” in the next few days, the U.S. will walk away from efforts to end the war in Ukraine. Not because the fighting has stopped. Not because the mission is accomplished. But because the Ukrainians haven’t surrendered fast enough. That’s the new bar for U.S. support under Trump… give up your country on our timeline, or we move on to something more profitable.
And indeed, there is something more profitable, a minerals deal. Even as Russian missiles struck a residential building in Kharkiv, the Trump administration was putting the finishing touches on an economic agreement with Ukraine, complete with investment fund language and all the marketable optimism of a glossy brochure. So to recap: abandon the battlefield, but keep the lithium. Trump’s peace plan isn’t diplomacy, it’s looting in slow motion.
And while we're on the topic of safety theater and political priorities, let’s talk about Florida State University, where two people were killed and six injured in the 91st mass shooting of the year. The shooter? A 20-year-old FSU student who used his sheriff mother’s former service weapon. But don’t expect any action from Trump. He’s too busy deporting "dangerous foreigners" to bother with dangerous Americans. In his world, the Constitution doesn’t protect due process, but it does guarantee the right to arm a college kid like a militia.
Wall Street is taking a breather; markets are closed today for Good Friday, but Thursday wrapped with a mixed bag: the S&P crept up, the Nasdaq sagged, and UnitedHealth’s 22% nosedive dragged down the Dow. You may remember them as the company that just lost its CEO to a sidewalk shooting and still somehow managed to disappoint shareholders more than that. Next week, markets will return to digest the next wave of Trump tariffs, regulatory mayhem, and DOGE-shaped accounting magic.
It’s another Friday in Trump’s America!