Shanley, I love your writing, You throw a lot of things out there, take a circuitous and informative route to your destination, and then pull it together in such a way that it makes perfect sense. As the mother of a man with ADHD, I can knowingly say you handle it well.
Shanley, I am 74 years old and I have had ADHD all my life. Your descriptions of how my brain works hit home. I think I will allow myself more grace to not finish that long list of things I hope to accomplish today. Instead, I will go plant the rest of my tomato seedlings that have been waiting for me for a couple of weeks. They will catch up to their sisters that are already in. I am in California, which strangely enough is not over 100° today. Blessings to you and your family. Thank you for being such a gifted writer!
Great piece: A controlled fireworks show; an all persons admitted free living museum of multiple wonders-- Your description of having ADHD is terrific: 1) because it's true and real, and 2) because it takes one to know one-- (having been "scatter-brained" since I was born)...and 3) Because it is so beautifully expressed...
One of the curses of being born with several brains stuffed into one is that your mind sometimes makes the great mistake of telling you that just because you want something-that you should DO it. Then you spend the rest of your life loving those things (and people) but wondering where YOU went...
Meditation and contemplation--not necessarily in some classic Eastern way---which can actually lead to making fewer and more meaningful choices) is not available in the AHDH store--at least not until the age of at least sixty... I don't know about your father, but your all-suffering mother, whatever her faults might be, provided/provides you with patience and discipline enough to get through the maze that is your mind and your life.
You're a good writer--and I will say that--as someone who has ADHD (though I prefer some more elegant phrase), like "artistic" --you're doing a pretty good job of juggling all your feelings and the fireworks show that is your mind... "Good job" as parents seem to say these days-- Here's one thing I'm almost learning in my old age--Brevity is the soul of wit-- I know this hearing this is like eating a chunk of Krypton for an ADHD person...
I mean that just because you KNOW that an extra phrase or description is so cool--and that your audience needs to hear your wit and wisdom at least twice or three times, doesn't mean the extra metaphors make your point is made any better.. HOWEVER, since one of the main points of your writing is not JUST to help people, but also self-expression for its own sake--and for the peace it brings, it's hard to follow a rule like that-- But, a last word-- I applaud you-- I know what a struggle life must be and I know the focus and pleasure and sense of worth that can only comes from writing. Good Job and keep up the entertaining and valuable work--with your family and your writing. Whatever you wind up doing, you have a fan in me...
My husband has ADHD and your description has really opened my eyes to what he is constantly dealing with and also tells me that I need to be more patient. For the first time in 44 years I think I finally understand how his brain functions. He’s the smartest, most hardworking and loving person I know.
We have always had problems communicating, he with his ADHD brain and me with my “always in the box” brain. Thank you for this wonderfully informative piece.
My adult children have told me for years I MUST have adult A.D.D. That happens after I make a statement out of, and beyond, left field. I always feel the need to explain my train of thought and after 10 or so seemingly random twists and turns, they see exactly how I got to my original statement. THANK you for explaining my brain so perfectly. While I wrote this, I wondered if I hung up my wet swimsuit, fumed at Balogun's red card, wondered if my ebike needs charging and thought about, but didn't decide on tomorrow's dinner. But, at least, now I know I'm in very good company.
Thank you for your writing.. I cannot tell you anything about ADHD, but I have a slew of experience with bindweed and other such things. Here is where the much hated glyphosate comes in handy. The smallest spray bottle plus some kind of plastic shield behind the plant. cut it back to about five leaves and spray the cut part and those leaves. (Nobody but a courtroom has been able to show that glyphosate causes cancer, but if you wish to practice the precautionary principle, then by all means). Put your bottle, which should last a lifetime, away and wash your hands or throw away the nitrite gloves you used and leave the weed to wilt and die.
Shanley, thank you for writing this. It could not have been easy. I volunteer in helping the unhoused folks in my neighborhood and one of my dear colleagues in the homeless services world has patiently and gently taught me about "neuro-divergence" or what she sometimes calls "neuro-awesomeness"). She has shown me how neuro-divergent people are misunderstood and punished by "systems" and cannot tolerate the usual high levels of activity and noise in homeless shelters and day shelters. They get defined as "uncooperative" when really what is happening is that they are turning down options that they KNOW do not work for them. Your descriptions here are so helpful to understanding what is really going on for so many homeless people. Wouldn't it be amazing if we all tried harder to understand rather than judge. The "neuro-typical" world has a lot to learn. Thank you so much for adding to the understanding.
It took me twice as long to read your column than usual simply because I had to keep wiping the tears from my eyes. At 74 years old ADHD has been both my nemesis and beloved friend for most of my life. Though in years gone by it was never diagnosed as such. I was "scatterbrained". But! I was never bored.
Thank you for reminding me and like minded folks, we march to a band consisting of base drums, snare drums, the occasional cymbal and they're not all necessarily in rhythm. We do however eventually get to our destination.
The day wouldn't be complete without your and your mom's column.
What you say here about your life ....change the ingredients and rhythm a little bit and it's my life. Thanks for framing this and for revealing your ingredients.
This is such a beautiful description of living with ADHD. It shows well the gut level reality of thoughts going wandering and the resultant struggle while also making the point that love…for self, for other…is the glue that holds it all together. Bravo for you as you carry on your high holy work.
My husband is also kind and tolerant. He looks at me every now and then and asks if the hamsters running amok in my head might need a rest. I just shake my head no, they’re indomitable. Your descriptions are precious and priceless.
Shanley, I love your writing, You throw a lot of things out there, take a circuitous and informative route to your destination, and then pull it together in such a way that it makes perfect sense. As the mother of a man with ADHD, I can knowingly say you handle it well.
Thank you, Carletta! It can be a struggle, but we all must find our way in the world. I have been fortunate and I hope your son has as well!
Well said, and I agree on all points, especially the last one
Shanley, I am 74 years old and I have had ADHD all my life. Your descriptions of how my brain works hit home. I think I will allow myself more grace to not finish that long list of things I hope to accomplish today. Instead, I will go plant the rest of my tomato seedlings that have been waiting for me for a couple of weeks. They will catch up to their sisters that are already in. I am in California, which strangely enough is not over 100° today. Blessings to you and your family. Thank you for being such a gifted writer!
Thank you, Kathie! I am wishing the best to you and your tomatos!
Great piece: A controlled fireworks show; an all persons admitted free living museum of multiple wonders-- Your description of having ADHD is terrific: 1) because it's true and real, and 2) because it takes one to know one-- (having been "scatter-brained" since I was born)...and 3) Because it is so beautifully expressed...
One of the curses of being born with several brains stuffed into one is that your mind sometimes makes the great mistake of telling you that just because you want something-that you should DO it. Then you spend the rest of your life loving those things (and people) but wondering where YOU went...
Meditation and contemplation--not necessarily in some classic Eastern way---which can actually lead to making fewer and more meaningful choices) is not available in the AHDH store--at least not until the age of at least sixty... I don't know about your father, but your all-suffering mother, whatever her faults might be, provided/provides you with patience and discipline enough to get through the maze that is your mind and your life.
You're a good writer--and I will say that--as someone who has ADHD (though I prefer some more elegant phrase), like "artistic" --you're doing a pretty good job of juggling all your feelings and the fireworks show that is your mind... "Good job" as parents seem to say these days-- Here's one thing I'm almost learning in my old age--Brevity is the soul of wit-- I know this hearing this is like eating a chunk of Krypton for an ADHD person...
I mean that just because you KNOW that an extra phrase or description is so cool--and that your audience needs to hear your wit and wisdom at least twice or three times, doesn't mean the extra metaphors make your point is made any better.. HOWEVER, since one of the main points of your writing is not JUST to help people, but also self-expression for its own sake--and for the peace it brings, it's hard to follow a rule like that-- But, a last word-- I applaud you-- I know what a struggle life must be and I know the focus and pleasure and sense of worth that can only comes from writing. Good Job and keep up the entertaining and valuable work--with your family and your writing. Whatever you wind up doing, you have a fan in me...
Thank you, Mike! It's good to know I have company in this strange and chaotic place!
My husband has ADHD and your description has really opened my eyes to what he is constantly dealing with and also tells me that I need to be more patient. For the first time in 44 years I think I finally understand how his brain functions. He’s the smartest, most hardworking and loving person I know.
We have always had problems communicating, he with his ADHD brain and me with my “always in the box” brain. Thank you for this wonderfully informative piece.
Way to go Shanley. Thank you for giving us a peak inside ADHD.
My adult children have told me for years I MUST have adult A.D.D. That happens after I make a statement out of, and beyond, left field. I always feel the need to explain my train of thought and after 10 or so seemingly random twists and turns, they see exactly how I got to my original statement. THANK you for explaining my brain so perfectly. While I wrote this, I wondered if I hung up my wet swimsuit, fumed at Balogun's red card, wondered if my ebike needs charging and thought about, but didn't decide on tomorrow's dinner. But, at least, now I know I'm in very good company.
I understood every word.
I feel *seen*! And I also love your writing - it all makes perfect sense.
Thank you for your writing.. I cannot tell you anything about ADHD, but I have a slew of experience with bindweed and other such things. Here is where the much hated glyphosate comes in handy. The smallest spray bottle plus some kind of plastic shield behind the plant. cut it back to about five leaves and spray the cut part and those leaves. (Nobody but a courtroom has been able to show that glyphosate causes cancer, but if you wish to practice the precautionary principle, then by all means). Put your bottle, which should last a lifetime, away and wash your hands or throw away the nitrite gloves you used and leave the weed to wilt and die.
Or dig it up. I always found that frustrating.
Shanley, thank you for writing this. It could not have been easy. I volunteer in helping the unhoused folks in my neighborhood and one of my dear colleagues in the homeless services world has patiently and gently taught me about "neuro-divergence" or what she sometimes calls "neuro-awesomeness"). She has shown me how neuro-divergent people are misunderstood and punished by "systems" and cannot tolerate the usual high levels of activity and noise in homeless shelters and day shelters. They get defined as "uncooperative" when really what is happening is that they are turning down options that they KNOW do not work for them. Your descriptions here are so helpful to understanding what is really going on for so many homeless people. Wouldn't it be amazing if we all tried harder to understand rather than judge. The "neuro-typical" world has a lot to learn. Thank you so much for adding to the understanding.
It took me twice as long to read your column than usual simply because I had to keep wiping the tears from my eyes. At 74 years old ADHD has been both my nemesis and beloved friend for most of my life. Though in years gone by it was never diagnosed as such. I was "scatterbrained". But! I was never bored.
Thank you for reminding me and like minded folks, we march to a band consisting of base drums, snare drums, the occasional cymbal and they're not all necessarily in rhythm. We do however eventually get to our destination.
The day wouldn't be complete without your and your mom's column.
What you say here about your life ....change the ingredients and rhythm a little bit and it's my life. Thanks for framing this and for revealing your ingredients.
I love the description of the chaos, and the raccoon imagery. Thank you for allowing me inside your brain. I may need a lie down now.
This is such a beautiful description of living with ADHD. It shows well the gut level reality of thoughts going wandering and the resultant struggle while also making the point that love…for self, for other…is the glue that holds it all together. Bravo for you as you carry on your high holy work.
Well done to move through kaleidiscopic thinking so effectively ! Thank you-I envy your eloquence!
My husband is also kind and tolerant. He looks at me every now and then and asks if the hamsters running amok in my head might need a rest. I just shake my head no, they’re indomitable. Your descriptions are precious and priceless.