Markets, Mafias, and Marjorie: Just Another Friday in Trump’s America

Dissent Isn’t Treason Unless You Ask Trump

Good Morning. It’s Friday, April 11, and the free market’s favorite game is rigged. In a development that would make Gordon Gekko blush, multiple members of Congress appear to have gone full hedge fund manager, except with better timing and no risk. Take Marjorie Taylor Greene, whose track record for being wrong on absolutely everything has now somehow turned into Warren Buffett-level clairvoyance. In the days before Trump nuked the global economy with his Liberation Day tariffs, MTG loaded up on Treasury bonds and then, as if by divine prophecy or guided by Jewish space lasers, flipped to Apple, Amazon, Dollar General, and Berkshire Hathaway just in time to ride the rebound when Trump reversed course.

Coincidence? Possibly, and I’m dating Paul Newman’s ghost.

Adam Schiff and AOC aren’t buying it either. They’re calling for insider trading investigations and urging whistleblowers to come forward before the May 15 disclosure deadline. AOC even said there's "interesting chatter on the floor." You can practically hear the shredders humming in the cloakroom.

Meanwhile, Trump himself is acting like the wolf of Wall Street, if the wolf couldn’t read a balance sheet and howled in all caps. Just before walking back his catastrophic tariff tantrum, he posted “This is a great time to buy DJT.” SPY call volume exploded tenfold minutes before the announcement. And we’re all supposed to believe it was just another one of his “lucky instincts.”

China noticed. In retaliation, Beijing has slapped the U.S. with 125% tariffs, calling America’s behavior a “numbers game” and flatly labeling Trump’s tactics “a joke.” They're not wrong. While the U.S. plays tariff whack-a-mole, China’s moving quietly to cut Hollywood off at the knees, reducing American film imports in what might be the most painful blow to U.S. soft power since the invention of reality TV.

Speaking of soft power turned hard propaganda: Elon Musk spent the week boosting the worst of the worst. First, he amplified Libs of TikTok’s post claiming Tulsi Gabbard confirmed voting machines can be hacked. If that’s true, Elon, did you hack them for Trump or just forget Wisconsin? Then he boosted another disinfo gem, falsely claiming Colorado’s trans rights bill allows courts to snatch kids away for misgendering. (Spoiler: it does not.)

Trump is a masterclass in retaliation. Dissent, in Trump’s America, is not just disloyal, it’s dangerous. And those who fail the loyalty test? They don’t just get iced out; they get targeted.

Former cybersecurity chief Chris Krebs, the guy who dared to say the 2020 election wasn’t rigged, recently found himself back in the crosshairs. Trump’s ominous response?

“We’re going to find out about this guy too, because this guy is a wise guy.”
Because nothing says ‘Presidential’ like slipping into mob movie dialogue.

Miles Taylor, former DHS official turned whistleblower, isn’t buying the intimidation routine:

“Dissent isn’t unlawful. It certainly isn’t treasonous… Never has a man so inelegantly proved another man’s point.”

He’s right. The more Trump tries to punish critics, the more he proves them right, loudly, cartoonishly, and with the grace of a drunk Godfather re-enactment.

And then there's Colonel Susannah Meyers, commander of Pituffik Space Base in Greenland, who was removed after she dared to suggest that Vice President JD Vance's bizarre anti-Denmark rant didn't reflect her team. The Pentagon’s not even pretending otherwise: undermine Trump’s agenda, and you’re out. The message is clear: loyalty over honesty, or you’re gone faster than a ceasefire offer in Moscow.

And yet somehow, Trump still expects the world to believe he’s brokering peace. Enter Steve Witkoff, real estate mogul turned wannabe peacemaker, who just landed in Russia again for "negotiations." Putin isn’t even bothering to meet with him anymore, instead sending an investment banker-slash-envoy to float ideas like U.S. - Russia oil deals, Mars missions, and presumably a time-share on Crimea. Secretary Marco Rubio insists we’ll soon know if Moscow’s serious about peace. Pro tip: they’re not. But they do love a good stalling tactic.

In a moment that hits far too close to home, Ksenia Karelina, the Russian-American ballerina imprisoned for a $51.80 donation to a Ukraine charity, is finally home after a prisoner swap. The Trump administration is proudly parading her return. But let’s be honest, at the current trajectory, how long until donations like ours become prosecutable acts of “treason” here at home? Her freedom is a relief. Her imprisonment is a warning.

And yet, despite the noise, the lies, and the spectacle, something quietly beautiful happened. The Supreme Court ruled 9-0 in favor of Judge Paula Xinis’ decision, allowing Armando Abrego Garcia to return home. In a rare moment of unanimous clarity, the highest court in the land upheld justice. Let’s not forget what that feels like.

Hold the line, friends. And hold your receipts. This is America 2025 edition.

---