Good Morning! April 3, 2025

It’s a brisk one out there, and the global economy just caught a chill too...

It’s a brisk one out there, and the global economy just caught a chill too, courtesy of Trump’s latest stunt: a tariff plan so stunningly idiotic it left economists blinking like they’d just been smacked in the face with a wet spreadsheet. Standing in the Rose Garden yesterday, Trump waved around a giant chart like a deranged game show host and declared, “Reciprocal – that means they do it to us, and we do it to them. Very simple. Can’t get simpler than that.” And he wasn’t kidding, it truly can’t get simpler than that. It also can’t get dumber.

Here’s what happened: the White House took each country’s 2024 trade deficit, divided it by the value of goods imported, then halved the result and slapped that on as a tariff. That’s the whole formula. Middle school math meets global trade policy.

Take China, for example:

$291.9 billion trade deficit

÷ $438.9 billion in imports

= 67%

÷ 2 = 34% tariff

That’s not satire. That’s the actual formula. It’s been confirmed by the White House itself. As Columbia historian Adam Tooze put it: “This isn’t serious trade policy or grand strategy… it’s just the boss hating trade deficits and his team of willing sycophants ticking a box.”

Other victims of the simple math-as-diplomacy approach include:

Cambodia: 49%

Laos: 48%

Vietnam: 46%

Even Lesotho, a tiny country with a GDP smaller than the Trump kids’ combined haircare budgets, got slapped with a 50% tariff for daring to export diamonds and Levi’s.

According to Jim Reid at Deutsche Bank: “It didn’t add much confidence on there being an in-depth strategic plan.” No kidding!

Markets reacted like someone just yelled “fire” in a packed casino. The Dow futures dropped 2.86%, S&P 500 fell 3.6%, and the Nasdaq tumbled 4.2%. Oil fell 6%, gold surged, and investors collectively muttered, “Oh no, not this sh*t again.”*

And speaking of unraveling myths, Elon Musk.

It now appears that Elon’s White House residency may soon come to an end. After 130 days as Special Assistant to the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), he’s expected to step down in June. Sources close to Trump say the President is “pleased” with Elon but increasingly views him as a political liability, especially after blowing $20 million or more trying (and failing) to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court.

Cue Mother Jones: “Elon Musk tried to buy the Wisconsin Supreme Court. He lost.”

Musk, ever the humble genius, was last seen wearing a cheesehead and spewing nonsense about George Soros plants. The MAGA crowd loves a crusader, just not one who loses.

Tesla, meanwhile, is having its worst quarter since the pandemic. Deliveries for Q1 came in at just 386,810, down 133% year-over-year and 32% quarter-over-quarter. That’s not a dip. That’s a crater.

And remember the Cybertruck, that steel triangle of doom Musk promised would redefine transportation? Tesla is now reportedly sitting on $200 million in unsold Cybertruck inventory. It's being described in industry circles as “dead weight”, and that’s the generous take.

Electrek notes that the Model 3 is collapsing in Europe, the Model Y is needing discounts in China, and brand sentiment is in freefall, especially since Musk decided fascist gestures were a cool vibe to test out publicly.

So what does Musk do when his numbers tank and the robots don’t dance? He distracts. In the hours before releasing Tesla’s dismal Q1 report, he spammed social media with AI robot videos and false claims about Tesla being the best-selling car in China. Classic move.

As Fred Lambert of Electrek puts it:

“Tesla is a complete meme stock. Its value hinges almost entirely on people believing Musk is a super genius.”

And let’s not forget: “Tesla surges when Elon joins the government. Tesla surges when Elon leaves the government. It doesn’t make sense.” Fred, again, sounding exactly like someone screaming into the void while watching the stock market turn into a slot machine.

Back on the ground, regular Americans, and the civil servants who keep things running, are facing a different kind of storm. Thanks to a reader tip, we now know that Trump’s “Career Opportunity Classification” letters went out this week to GS-14 and GS-15 federal employees, effectively stripping them of civil service protections. Most of those targeted are scientists, engineers, and policy experts. Some were locked out of their email the same day.

This is Schedule F in sheep’s clothing. Or, more accurately, in wolves’ clothing, since no one is pretending this is about efficiency. It’s about ideological control. It’s about purging expertise and replacing it with loyalists. And it’s already begun.

Meanwhile, over at the Naval Academy in Annapolis, Pete Hegseth, America’s Crusader-in-Chief and Secretary of Defense, is throwing his own tantrum about... library books. Ahead of his visit, displays honoring Jewish officers and women graduates were literally covered up. A biography of Jackie Robinson was removed.

Why? Because Hegseth’s military vision is all about lethality. Not inclusion. Not facts. Not history.

As Ken Harbaugh put it:

“Our military, compelled by Trump’s anti-DEI mandates, felt compelled to erase the contributions of women and minorities. It’s a disgrace.”

Hegseth, who proudly sports a Crusader’s cross and the word “infidel” in Arabic tattooed on his body, is the poster boy for MAGA’s weaponized masculinity. As author Angela Denker notes, “You have to ignore the entire New Testament to believe in a Jesus holding an AR-15, and those mutants exist.”

Her term? Disciples of White Jesus, a movement that has fused Christianity, nationalism, and toxic masculinity into a single authoritarian brew. And as she reminds us:

“Toxic masculinity is back, and MAGA influencers are celebrating it as a virtue.”

So here we are: on a Thursday morning, watching the world economy wobble because a failed casino magnate got mad about trade deficits, a billionaire man-child can’t sell his robo-trucks, and an inked-up defense secretary is afraid of a book about Jackie Robinson.

On a personal note, I just want to say how deeply grateful I am for this community. I truly love researching and writing, and I’m using the word love intentionally here. I'm also incredibly thankful for the tips, insights, and contributions so many of you share each day.

That said, the backend maintenance isn’t exactly easy. According to Meta’s own insights, we’ve had over 70,000 comments in the past seven days! I do my best to be as accurate and up-to-date as possible, but sometimes, especially with fast-moving numbers like stock prices, there’s a small window between writing and posting where facts can shift. Please know there is never any intent to mislead. I care deeply about the integrity of this space.

Every day, I get private messages ranging from kind and encouraging to… well, let’s just say colorful. This morning someone even tried to shame me for “associating Oregon with communism.” (Sure. Okay.) Some complain about using AI images, but without a bigger budget, stock photos are off the table, sorry. Thankfully, I also receive thoughtful, supportive notes that remind me why this work matters.

Thank you for being here. It means more than you know.

Welcome to April 2025

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