From Social Security Spin to Alaska Surrender: Trump’s Traveling Circus

A meandering anniversary speech morphs into DC crackdowns, roast battles with Gavin Newsom, economic fairy tales, and the looming risk he’ll negotiate away more than Ukraine.

Good morning! Donald Trump set out yesterday to mark the 90th anniversary of Social Security. What we got instead was part campaign rally, part fact-free infomercial, part warm-up act for his next episode of World Leaders I Can Give Things To.

He opened with a folksy introduction of “Frank,” the Wall Street executive now charged with running Social Security, claiming his new hire had purged 12.4 million people over the age of 120 and another 135,000 over 160 from the rolls, which, unless Ponce de León opened a Florida call center, is impossible. Naturally, this segued into how Biden’s America was one long wait time, one broken website, and one inflation nightmare, all of which Trump has “fixed” with tariffs (still paid by Americans) and common sense (still undefined).

Those tariff boasts were especially ripe for the Max at UNFTR treatment. Max filleted Trump cheerleader Scott Bessent, the economic “genius” who sat stiffly in what looked like a hostage video, mumbling about a coming “capex boom” while mangling Apple’s supposed investment numbers by hundreds of billions. This is the same Bessent who just tried to flog U.S. Treasury bonds to the market and discovered, to no one’s surprise except maybe his own, that global investors aren’t exactly lining up to finance Trump’s economic experiments. The sale was a bust, a reminder that under Trump, the U.S. is no longer seen as a safe bet but as a risky, politically volatile debtor trying to paper over rising deficits with bravado.

Max’s point was razor sharp: these are the people propping up Trump’s economic fairy tales, men in expensive suits delivering bad math to friendly cameras, grinning weakly while the actual numbers collapse under their own weight. They’re not selling policy. They’re selling confidence. And right now, the buyers aren’t buying.

Without missing a beat, Trump drifted to crime in DC, “the worst it’s ever been,” he declared, accusing city leaders of “fudging” the stats and vowing to have the capital “virtually crime-free” in short order. His solution? Send in the National Guard, ICE agents, and Border Patrol to run checkpoints and “get these thugs out.”

That authoritarian field trip also came with a personnel coup: installing Pam Bondi’s handpicked DEA chief Terry Cole as acting head of the Metropolitan Police Department. “Everybody needs to report to the DEA right now,” Bondi’s order read. Mayor Muriel Bowser calls it unlawful. Trump calls it Tuesday.

“I’ve had calls from many, many friends, including Democrats, thanking me so much for what I’m doing in DC,” Trump boasted. “They feel so safe already.”

On the ground, the reaction was less gratitude and more fury. Protests erupted across the city, from Union Station to Freedom Plaza, with demonstrators denouncing what they called an unconstitutional federal occupation. Homemade signs read “DC is Not Your Police State” and “Hands Off Our City,” while crowds chanted “No to Martial Law!” as National Guard convoys rolled by. Civil rights groups reported detentions of bystanders, and social media filled with footage of militarized patrols stopping residents on their own blocks.

From there, it was a short hop to his “border miracle”, zero crossings for three months, he insists, a number as believable as his claim to have single-handedly solved six wars in six months. In reality, ICE and Border Patrol spent yesterday roughing up attendees outside Gavin Newsom’s democracy-protection event in LA, because nothing says “ballot integrity” like preemptive arrests at a museum dedicated to internment camp history.

And while Trump is busy militarizing the nation’s capital, Newsom is fighting on a different front: redistricting. In Los Angeles yesterday, the California governor launched a campaign to block Trump’s mid-decade gerrymander plot, starting with Texas but aimed squarely at Democratic strongholds. Newsom’s pitch was blunt, if Democrats retake the House in 2026, “Trump’s presidency ends.”

Trump fired back on social media with his usual cocktail of insults and capital letters, calling Newsom “GAVIN THE FRAUD” and “DEMOCRAT DISASTER” while predicting “CALIFORNIA WILL SOON BE WORSE THAN VENEZUELA!”

Newsom replied in kind, parodying Trump’s bombast:

• “Tomorrow history will be made. Donald the Failure, be warned.”

• “People are saying these are the greatest maps ever created. Even better than Christopher Columbus’s.”

• “Tomorrow may be the worst day of your life. All because you missed the deadline.”

It’s the rare political fight that plays like a roast battle, and Newsom appears to be enjoying himself, leaning into Trump’s own style and tossing it back with a grin.

The geopolitical main event is brewing up north: today’s meeting with Vladimir Putin, conveniently relocated to Anchorage, Alaska, where thousands of protesters have been making it clear they do not appreciate authoritarian war criminals setting foot in their state. The signs read like truth serum for international diplomacy: “Putin is a war criminal,” “Ukraine and Alaska - Russia Never Again,” “I can see fascists from my house.” Trump and Putin will meet without Zelensky present, because the plan they’re cooking up, a Gaza-style Russian occupation of Ukrainian land works better without the Ukrainian president in the room to say, “Absolutely not.”

The rest was classic Trump filler: windmill rants, digs at Elizabeth Warren’s ancestry, praise for Bernie Sanders’ “sharpness” at age 86, and a random shot at the Smithsonian for being “woke.” By the end, the Social Security birthday party had become a multi-course tasting menu of grievances, boasts, and unverified statistics — all served with the promise that he’ll make Social Security “great for 90 years and beyond,” as though actuarial projections now fall under “Agenda 47.”

Meanwhile, outside his reality bubble: Pew Research shows his approval ratings plumbing modern presidential lows, inflation data undercut his “perfect number” boasts, and allies from Anchorage to Aberdeenshire are serving up protest, boycotts, and mutinies. If the Social Security celebration was meant to be a victory lap, the street scenes in Alaska, DC, California, LA, and abroad suggest the crowd is headed in the opposite direction.

After all, this is the same man who couldn’t get through a Social Security anniversary without detouring into Elizabeth Warren drug tests, windmill conspiracies, Olympic brag reels, and the maintenance schedule for DC’s medians. Trusting him to broker peace between Russia and Ukraine or to protect Alaska’s resources is like hiring him to negotiate the price of a glass of lemonade and watching him come back with the bill for the whole stand.

For now, we cross our fingers that the meeting ends without Trump accidentally signing away Alaska or at least its oil fields, fisheries, and rare earths. Anchorage has made their position clear with thousands in the streets. The rest of us will just have to hope the man doing the talking remembers which side of the table he’s on.

On a happier note, thanks to readers who suggested getting Marz an inflatable collar to replace the dreaded cone, I took your advice, and it’s been a game-changer. He’s navigating just fine, and he’s far less likely to take out a coffee table in the process.