Alligator Alcatraz, Dollar Dive, and the Porky Pig Party

As the Senate burns, Trump hawks cologne, Musk throws tantrums, and the dollar falls to 1970s lows, welcome to the empire’s late-stage spectacle.

Good morning! The Senate is still stuck in the mud with Trump’s “big beautiful bill,” grinding through another round of late-night vote-a-rama. Republicans can’t quite square slashing Medicaid by over a trillion dollars while blowing a $5 trillion hole in the debt ceiling, all to ensure billionaires get their annual $346,000 kisses from Uncle Sam. John Thune admits he doesn’t have the votes, but Trump demands the bill on his desk by July 4, because nothing says patriotism like gutting health care and spiking the debt for tax cuts while fireworks explode.

The dollar is sliding, investors are rattled, and Elon Musk is screaming on X that Republicans will lose their primaries if they vote for this “utterly insane” bill. The U.S. dollar index has now fallen to its lowest levels since the late 1970s, a stunning collapse in the greenback’s purchasing power as markets process the reality of a government ready to torch Medicaid while adding trillions in debt for tax cuts no one can afford. Treasury yields are falling, gold is spiking, and foreign central banks are quietly reducing dollar holdings, but the Trump administration is refusing to address it, no press briefings, no Treasury explanations, not even a gaslight tweet, as if ignoring the dollar’s freefall will make it stop.

Trump, ever the statesman, threatened to yank federal subsidies from Tesla, bragging that “Elon would probably have to close up shop and head back to South Africa” without government cash, before hawking his newest grift, a $199 “Victory” cologne, bottling the scent of failing empires, with top notes of burnt constitution and bottom notes of hairspray and Diet Coke.

Musk, who spent nearly $300 million to help re-elect Trump, is now in open rebellion, flooding X with posts calling the bill “utterly insane and destructive” and vowing that any Republican who votes for it will lose their primary “if it’s the last thing I do on this Earth.” He has called for a “new party” to replace what he now dubs the “Porky Pig Party,” torching the GOP for gutting Medicaid while handing giant tax cuts to billionaires like, well, himself. The irony is lost on no one, least of all investors, who watched Tesla’s stock nosedive more than 6% on the fear that Trump, in a fit of personal pique, might follow through on pulling subsidies and slowing down the regulatory path for Tesla’s robotaxi rollout.

The rift exposes the transactional rot at the heart of MAGA politics. Musk needs Trump’s subsidies and federal approvals, but Trump needs Musk’s money and platform reach, until he doesn’t. And right now, the world’s richest man is learning the hard way that the world’s most shameless man can turn on you in a heartbeat, especially when you stop clapping for the latest gilded pyramid scheme disguised as policy.

Speaking of empire stench, Trump and DeSantis are opening “Alligator Alcatraz” in the Everglades, a migrant detention camp they brag is so efficient you don’t need a fence because the swamp’s alligators and pythons will take care of escapees. Up to 5,000 people will sweat in tents under 100°F heat in sacred Native lands, and Fox is rolling trailer footage like it’s a theme park, while protesters and tribal leaders call it what it is: a concentration camp.

Abroad, the world is looking at the US and deciding, “no thanks.” Canada rescinded its daylight savings deal with the US, deciding it would rather keep clocks in sync with sanity. British Columbia’s premier is offering to host more FIFA games, hinting that fans might prefer not to risk “Alligator Alcatraz: The Sequel” when they travel. Meanwhile, Macron is delivering clean slaps at the UN, calling out Trump’s tariffs and border walls as blackmail while the US lifts sanctions on Russian banks, lets Russia seize a massive Ukrainian lithium deposit, and watches China and Russia corner critical mineral markets while we sell cologne from the Oval Office.

Ukraine, meanwhile, is reminding the world how to fight tyranny with precision. Ukrainian drones struck deep inside Russia, hitting the Kupol air defense plant 1,300 km from the front, torching facilities that produce Tor and Osa systems and Harpy drones. No part of Russia is safe for its war machine, as Ukraine methodically undermines Putin’s offensive capabilities.

Back home, another Trump lawyer bites the dust. Ken Chesebro, the “fake electors” mastermind, has been formally and permanently disbarred in New York. Add him to the growing “Disbarred MAGA Lawyer Club” alongside Rudy Giuliani and John Eastman, all of whom helped plot coups, grifts, and illusions before the law caught up.

And speaking of illusions, let’s not forget Kristi Noem, Trump’s ICE queen who executed her dog and who is now exposed for taking $80,000 from a “dark money” nonprofit meant to boost her political profile. She forgot to disclose the payment, of course, just like she forgot that the public has a right to know when a governor is using nonprofit donations as a personal ATM.

That’s America today: selling cologne while cutting your Medicaid, building alligator camps for migrants while letting Russia take Ukraine’s lithium, begging billionaires for campaign cash while threatening to ruin them if they don’t fall in line, and smiling for the cameras as your own allies realize they’d rather keep their clocks, soccer games, and dignity away from your mess.

At least Trump’s “Victory” fragrance is in stock, if you need a whiff of what losing smells like.